One Woman�s Experience
with New Face of Fitness

I was suffering from extreme depression, brought on by years of poor physical health, single parenthood and loneliness. I was the only bread winner for my child and my health wouldn�t allow me to work. My state of mind and body continued to decline. It was a vicious never ending circle.

July, 1994 to February, 1995, I was in and out of the hospital five times. My life was a blur of surgery, radiation treatments, daily in home nursing visits and endless hours in bed. Just as I was beginning to regain some strength an infection developed in the old surgery site. This resulted in another surgery, and another seven months recovery.

From August 1994 to January, 1996 I moved very little. I was in bed 12 to 18 hours a day. Going from bed to bath was exhausting and painful.

My doctor sent me to a dietitian who in turn connected me with Jane Fortune, an LCSW who counsels people with eating disorders. She truly lived up to her name.

Doctor, dietitian, and now therapist were all urging me to exercise. I knew that I needed to but what could I do in the condition I was in? The pain was second only to the self consciousness I would feel around the "exercise crowd." I knew I wanted to be able to get into water. The impact of doing stand up exercise on a solid surface would cause unbelievable pain to my back, hips and ankle. Radiation treatments left me feeling as if my hip and pelvic bones were falling away from my back bone. Standing for just a couple of minutes had me feeling like I was one of those toys that stands on a pedestal and is put together with string. When you push the bottom of the stand it is on, it collapses. So how was I ever going to exercise for an hour in a class full of bouncing exercisers? The thought of it was enough to send me back to my bed to hide under the covers.

One night after I had been to her office Jane called me. I was very surprised, it was after 10:00 p.m. She was calling to tell me she had just read an article about a workshop that was being offered at the YWCA that week. She told me that an overweight woman, Dee Hakala, who had won The Nike Fitness Innovation Award was starting a new program at the YWCA for people who did not fit the "normal" realm of fitness. Well now I was trapped. I was positive that this would be just another "hype," another person trying to make their million off the overweight population of the world! However, Jane had gone out of her way to let me know about it and I was sure that it would be her first questions when I saw her again. I would at least have to go so that I could say I tried! But it wasn't going to work!

I took my negative, tired, sluggish self and sat, listening skeptically to what was being said. What Dee said made sense but there was no way I could do that kind of exercise with the pain a simple slow walk evoked on my joints. I had given it a chance, been proven right, now I could go home knowing that it was a hopeless case, once again.

WRONG!

We were invited to an open house after the workshop. Here we could visit with and ask questions of Dee Hakala. I didn't intend to stay but as we had gone into the work shop we had filled out cards for a drawing and the big prize was a year's membership to the YWCA. The drawing was going to be during the open house. Trapped again! I thought even if I couldn't do the New Face of Fitness class I might be able to win the membership and do the swimming on my own. At the meeting Dee Hakala came to me and asked if I thought I would be joining the class. I tried to be polite, told her it sounded great but I would not be able to do it because of the pain, and I was hoping that the program might include water exercise or water therapy. Instead of agreeing with me saying, "I'm sorry," and leaving me alone, Dee turned around and grabbed Rene by the arm and said "Doesn't the YWCA offer water aerobics?" Then Rene took over. Now I had no more excuses except for the lack of funds which she swiftly took care of with a scholarship. Well now what was I going to do? My excuses were (pardon the pun) "dead in the water."

I made my report to Jane at my next session still trying to use the excuse that I had nothing to swim in. Yet I really wanted to get into the pool. Now I was no longer just fighting others -- I had myself to battle with, too. I took shorts and tee-shirt in hand and got into a swimming pool for the first time in many, many years. About a month later I bought the first swimming suit I have owned since I was 14 years old.

The water offered such a cushion for my joints, the workouts were great and didn't make me hurt. My hip and leg muscles began to get stronger in no time. I had energy again for the first time in many years. For the first three months of the New Face of Fitness at the YWCA I did only water aerobics. After that I slowly worked my way into the floor aerobics classes, amazed at how strong my muscles had become in such a short time. I did the floor class and then went to the pool for the comfort that the water gave my body and the peace it gave my mind. So now I was doing two exercise classes -- YES, ME! A total of seven hours a week!

The New Face of Fitness program includes a support group which meets each week. I was by far the quietest most withdrawn person in the room at these meetings. For a while, anyway!

Another feature of the New Face of Fitness program are the "Celebrate You" parties we have each 90 days. There are speakers and awards for various achievements. The largest amount of inches lost, best attendance and something called a "Butterfly Award"! It is called the Butterfly Award because it is given to the person who has made the greatest change -- a person who had been closed up, like a caterpillar in a cocoon, and had slowly emerged and blossomed into a butterfly. At the first "Celebrate You" party, I was given this award! I was totally shocked! I didn't think anyone had noticed that I was in the group, and now they had gotten together to agree that I should receive this award. It is very precious to me.

Receiving that award was a real wake up call! I began paying attention to things I was doing, thinking and feeling. I realized that my mind was functioning in ways that it hadn't for a long time. I had a temporary job from July to December -- the first since my illness. I noticed a dozen times that I was doing two and three things at a time and keeping on track with them all. I could remember what I had done a few days before and use that to help me problem solve without needing to ask for help. These things may seem trivial and commonplace to some, but if you have ever completely lost track of yourself and suddenly realize that you have reappeared, it is invigorating!

It amazes me when I think back over the years of pain. the pressure I put on myself, the scorn I felt. I put all of my heart and soul into raising my daughter. Doing a job that family and friends said I couldn't do. My body and mind suffered dearly. I put all of myself into that effort and forgot about me. Nobody asked me to do that, especially not my child, but I did it. I had to be a "GOOD" mother. My child could do nothing wrong or everyone would be pointing and laughing at me, saying "we told you so!" In spite of them, I did it! My daughter is now 23 years old and a success in her own right.

I let my own needs go unattended and put no effort into myself. Now that my child is raised and able to care for herself, which she does well, I can put my energy into me. Coming to this realization is largely due to the face that I have finally gotten my body moving which has unlocked my mind and I can think not only backward but forward, and make the things in my past push me to achieve what I need to do for myself to improve my health. I still struggle with it but I am slowly becoming the most important person to me. It feels good. It takes me aback when I realize that I have done something for me without really giving it much thought.

I owe a lot to the Greater Portland (OR) YWCA -- for having the insight to have such a great employee as Rene Swar. She is the most fit person I know had never makes us feel self conscious about our unfit state. She is always encouraging and friendly. A big THANK YOU, and a lot of love will always go to Rene and the others who fought for the grant money that brought the New Face of Fitness program into the YWCA, and to the Y for accepting the program.

I can't say enough about Dee Hakala and her New Face of Fitness Program. I owe her a huge THANK YOU for saving my life. I don't say that lightly -- my state of physical and mental health were both in the dumps, I was to the point I saw no need in being alive. I had no job and none in my future, or so I thought, I was still dependent on the disability I received which was not enough to meet my necessary living expenses. That also tore my self esteem apart. The availability of this program has been a huge boon to my healthier body and mind.

On January 8th, 1997, Dee's book, Thin is Just a Four Letter Word came out for sale in book stores. Dee came into town for a book signing on the 21st of January. Rene and I were on A.M. Northwest (me on TV!) with her that morning, and met her in the evening for dinner before the signing. I gave her my copy of the book to sign, and she asked me if I had seen myself in it. I was surprised, and said "No, am I in it?" Dee showed me where my name was. There it was, in the acknowledgments of her book. She called me one of her "Sweet Souls" and it was apparent to me that it meant a lot to her because reading that passage of her acknowledgments brought tears to her eyes.

I had a little tingling of pride about my name being in the book initially but later in the night at home lying in bed reading the rest of the book, I thought about it again. Here was my name -- Susan Fox -- the person who just one year ago could hardly move across a room, was determined that no one could help her feel better or move easier, deep, deep, in physical and mental pain -- and now here was MY name -- Susan Fox -- in a fitness book!

If this isn't the inspiration I needed to push myself into success in this whole "fitness is for every body" thing, I don't know what else there could be.

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